By Kathryn Weber
A central feng shui tenet is that marital or romantic happiness is critical component of a happy, well-lived life. And if you’ve had marital or romantic unhappiness, you know how true that can be. Of course, one of the keys to an effective partnership is having the relationship on a solid romantic footing.
A good place to start is where it all starts: the bedroom.
Feng shui has stringent rules regarding bedrooms. And, fortunately, these rules are designed with romance in mind. So, take a look around and see if there isn’t something that can be done to your bedroom to make it more appealing — and so that you’ll want to spend more time there!
1. Look around.
Is your bedroom a gender-neutral bedroom design that appeals to the both of you? Remember, men traditionally don’t like floral designs and if your bedroom is flowery, then your man could be experiencing resentment every time he enters the room. Likewise, if you’ve yielded to your man’s furnishing taste you, too, may also grow resentful.
What to do? Well, start from scratch, and if you can, clear out everything from the room (just like they do on those TV room makeover shows). Then look at the paint, drapes, carpet, etc. to see if these need changing. A good starting point is to look at the walls. If you are considering painting, select a restful, neutral color, such as those of the color of skin, i.e., beige, taupe, brown, or rose.
If possible, replace loud, flowery, or overly-austere furnishings with ones that are comfortable and make for a serene environment that feels like a luxury hotel room. And for those of you going to bed every night in those awe-inspiring white walls: did you know that the Chinese equate the color white with death? Now there’s a romance-killer! Get out the paint buckets quick and get a nice coat of medium beige on the walls!
2. The bed is where it’s at.
Just like real estate, when it comes to the bed, it’s all about location, location, location. Make sure the bed is at the widest part of the room and the door to the room can be seen from the bed. This is a critical feng shui element.
Bed placement is extremely important especially if the bed is placed on the same wall as the bedroom door. This will bring serious disagreements for the couple. The bed should also not face a bathroom, see a toilet, share the same wall as a toilet, or be directly opposite a door. It’s also best if the bed doesn’t face a closet or bookshelves of some kind.
Also, be sure to give yourself some support. Beds that have no headboard or are placed against a window give the couple little support. If this is the best (or only) position for the bed, place a wooden screen between the bed and the window to simulate a wall or hang heavy drapes that can be closed at night.
And when it comes to your bed, it is always a good idea to have a bed that belongs only to you and your mate. Beds used in previous relationships bring the energy of those former relationships into your love life. If this is your situation, but you hate to get rid of a perfectly good bed, then donate it to a charity. Take the write-off and then buy yourself a new bed and mattress and give it to yourselves as an anniversary present.
Remember, in your house, the bed is the No. 1 symbol of your union. Make it a nice one with luxurious pillows and comforters or spreads. Lastly, don’t go out without making your bed every day. Really, now, how hard is it to make a bed? Do it together. The appeal of the bed is tearing back the covers, now isn’t it?
3. Look Up.
Got a ceiling fan whirring above your bed? Lots of us do. This could be cooling you down… literally and romantically. Ceiling fans above the bed disrupt your body’s chi (energy) — and your romantic chi. You also might avoid turning on the fan for a week and see what happens… you might find your romance energy has a chance to build up.
4. Look down.
Do you have all kinds of junk stashed under your bed? Maybe you have dust-bunnies the size of Dallas lurking under there. Clear it out and place a crystal sphere at the foot of the bed. These are believed to enhance relationships. Or, if you have an amethyst geode, place it at the foot of the bed. These are also believed to be marriage enhancers. Get the spheres at design stores, and get geodes at nature stores, gem shops, or gem and mineral shows.
5. Remove electronics.
Tablets, cell phones and computers don’t belong in the bedroom. Get an old fashioned alarm clock instead of using your phone for an alarm. This way you won’t be distracted by social media posts, email alerts and texts during the night. And it goes without saying that working in the bedroom is a big feng shui no-no.
The one exception? Hold on to your hat — it’s a TV. Many feng shui experts say that you shouldn’t have one in the bedroom, but today’s TVs are different because they’re flat screened and they don’t reflect like the old glass tube varieties. So go on and watch in the bedroom. Plus, it’s always nice to snuggle in bed together and watch a romantic movie!
6. Change your sheets.
Just like the bed, if the sheets on the bed are brought to the marriage from a previous relationship, or worse, a divorce, that the old energy lingers here? Used or inherited linens should also not be used on the bed.
Adorn your bed only with new sheets and keep them reserved only for yourselves. Feng shui teachers say that pink sheets are the best choice because they have the “fire” from the color red but are in a more sentimental shade of red.
If you’ve got old sheets on the bed that are torn and tattered, what does it say about the emphasis you place on your romantic life? Treat yourself to some nice linens that feel wonderful and MAKE you want to hop into bed!
7. Remove mirrors.
Mirrors placed across from the bed or that can be seen from the bed can “divide” the couple and create insomnia. Mirrors should be kept in the bathroom or hallway and out of the bedroom.
Most of the time, you can use mirrors from dressers in other locations in the house. How about above the fireplace or down a long hallway? Both of these places can benefit from a mirror, so why not relegate the mirror to an area where it can be helpful instead of hurtful?
8. Decorate sparingly.
Decorating the room correctly is important. Look at all the elements here to get more ideas about appropriate decorating for your romantic retreat.
Plants, water, and flowers: Take all plants, flowers, and water features out of the bedroom. The Chinese say that “rice sticks together when it is warm,” imparting the wisdom of keeping the bedroom romantic.
Water and plants can drown the energy in a couple’s bedroom. Even pictures featuring water, ice, or snow are poor bedroom decorating choices. Flowers give off too much male energy, also making a poor choice for a restful bedroom. Dried flowers should be removed as they are dead energy.
Artwork and pictures: Does yours inspire passion or love? What do the items on your dresser or the art on your wall say about your love life? Hopefully, you don’t have one of those pictures of dogs playing poker.
Now, if there is one place for erotic art, this is it. Tasteful nudes or statues of “The Kiss” are perfect here. Take an extra critical look at what’s hanging above your bed. Is it inspiring? Bet you never gave your bedroom this much thought, ever!
Consider other objects d’amour in your room. Wherever possible, use pairs of objects. Two lovebirds, two vases, etc., are a good idea. Try matching prints for the bedroom or two photos of the both of you, one on each of your bedside tables. And while you’re at it, take a close look at the pictures in your bedroom.
Are there photographs of your children, your grandparents, friends, or others in the bedroom? If so, these pictures are symbolically looking at you! Remove all pictures of people except for those of you and your love. Placing your wedding picture here or any other happy, romantic picture that you like. It will be a nice reminder in your shared space that the two of you are a couple.
Work, work, work: By all means, eliminate “work” objects. These can be treadmills or other exercise equipment, desks, computers, bookshelves filled with work-related books, or objects that remind either of you of something to do. Even hobbies and projects are not good choices for your love nest.
Know what else is a romance killer? Clutter. Remember, hotel rooms make us instantly relaxed when we walk in because they are spare, clean and uncluttered.
9. Houston, we have a problem.
Is your room is good working order? Is the carpet coming up or do the windows stick? Your room must function well on all levels. This includes making sure the door opens and closes correctly – and locks, too! Oil creaky door hinges.
Privacy is also important for couples. Having a lock – and using it, too – sends a strong signal that your romantic life is important, yours alone, and private. This also means making sure you have privacy measures, too. Blinds or other curtains to cover the windows should be working… and used.
10. Create your own love shrine.
Put a picture of the two of you, a dish with a rose quartz crystal or clear quartz crystal, a heart figurine, a candle, or a small lamp in the southwest corner of your bedroom. Dedicate this area for this purpose. Keep the lamp turned on at least 3 hours each day so that it can shine on the crystal.
Place mementos in a box here, or anything that is very personal and significant to the two of you. Place a CD or tape player with music you both love here so you play it when you are alone together in the room. You can put anything here that is romantic and makes you think of love. Try to decide on items together, selecting the things that are meaningful, and inspiring, for you both.