A friend once told me “You are only as happy as your unhappiest child.” But that statement could also be said of our friends and family, too. We have relationships in our lives that bring us joy and relief and others that drain us and make us miserable. The key is to balance our lives so that we’re not always on the giving end or that we never receive the benefits of relationships.
Our relationships make us happiest when they’re in balance. That’s when we can offer our love and friendship and assistance and when we can also expect to receive it in return. The problems begin when relationships are out of balance. Many times relationships are characterized by either giving or taking -and with one person doing all of one or the other. Sometimes your relationships are fine, but you have outgrown the person or have little in common with them.
So much of our personal growth and happiness is tied to others. And, not all relationships are supportive of either your growth or happiness. Give some thought to the relationships in your life and to the ones that keep you from moving forward or make you feel stuck and frustrated. See if you recognize any of these people and if they’re in your life. Then, use the ideas that follow to help you move ahead in your relationships, in your happiness, and in your growth.
This is a person who firmly believes that it Takes Two to Tango. In other words, while this person may start an argument or create a problem, they always “include” someone else in it and share the blame. It might take two to tango but it only takes one person to trip the other dancer. Sometimes the problem rests with one person and if you’re constantly getting tripped it might be time for a new partner.
The “pad” is short for “Passive Aggressive Drain.” People who are passive aggressive are like a leech that drains blood, only this person will drain the life force from you. This is the person who makes you call, you speak first, you have to ask questions to get any information and it’s work just being with them. These friends are famous for withholding information, emotions and keeping you guessing. In short, you’re doing the tap dancing while they sit and watch. A classic response is when you share some great news and they say….nothing. These folks are really hard on us. There’s only one thing that gets through: retreat.
The Poor Learner
This friend makes the same mistakes over and over again and keeps coming back to you for a shoulder to cry on. This person rarely “gets his act together” and definitely doesn’t grow. This person is addicted to his or her drama or whatever it is that their problems do for them. Otherwise, if they weren’t getting high off the drama/pity/anger or other emotion, why wouldn’t they learn? It’s hard to continue to be supportive of this person and over time they drain you of sympathy – and patience.
We see these people everywhere in life. They can range from friends to coworkers to clients. They always want what they can get from you and rarely offer anything back. If you’re always looking for ways to get something out of someone or something, make a point to start giving. If you’re the one always doing the giving, then close up shop and stop giving away the free samples. People will take advantage of us as much as we let them.
These are just some of the common relationship types and these people may be our children, our spouses, coworkers or friends or some combination. Regardless of the relationship, it’s important that you either move on or change your response to them. We keep ourselves in a cycle when we continually respond the same way. And although the relationships may still be around, they will change when you respond to them differently.
We must understand that relationships are often the linchpins of our unhappiness and that they keep us tethered to unhappy circumstances. Too often we believe that removing relationships amounts to “throwing away” our friends and family. This is not true. But, we can limit our interactions, come to truthful conclusions about our happiness and our relationships, and we can choose to move ahead in our own lives by moving past some relationships.
When we allow this to happen we often fill the void with an improved relationship or with a new relationship with another person that’s better for – and to – us. And, then our lives can get growing again.
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Publisher, The Red Lotus Letter
Kathryn Weber is the publisher of the Red Lotus Letter Feng Shui E-zine and certified feng shui consultant in authentic Chinese feng shui. Kathryn helps her readers improve their lives and generate more wealth with feng shui. For more information and to receive her FREE E-book “Easy Money – 3 Steps to Building Massive Wealth with Feng Shui” visit www.redlotusletter.com and learn the fast and fun way how feng shui can make your life more prosperous and abundant!